Dear Friends,

All families face personality clashes, strain, and conflict from time to time. If someone in your family is demanding or difficult to interact with, their behavior makes interactions tough for everyone. A demanding parent, grandparent, aunt, or uncle can put a significant strain on a married couple’s relationship if the couple doesn’t have a game plan for navigating that relative’s demands.

Demanding family members can create unnecessary drama for everyone–something most people want to avoid. Planning a calm, loving response to neutralize stress is important so that you, your spouse, and the rest of your family can enjoy a healthy, thriving relationship.

Wondering how to cope with a demanding family member? Read on to check out Dr. Les and Leslie Parrott's latest blog post.

MAKE A GAME PLAN AHEAD OF TIME.
If you know you’re going to be dealing with demanding family members, it’s wise to put your heads together and make a game plan ahead of time. Here are a few things you should decide:

• How are you going to address this relative’s demands?
• What position will you each take in order to keep the situation as calm as possible?
• How do you need to respond to them if they create tension between you and your spouse, or within the family?

BE A UNITED FRONT.
No matter what, you and your spouse need to present a united front when dealing with demanding family members. When spouses aren’t united, it’s easy for a third party to slip in and triangulate the relationship or a specific situation. Keep communication with your spouse wide open. Talk to one another if or when this family member approaches you with requests.
Be non-committal when this relative begins making demands or becomes forceful with you. Here are a few things you can say to neutralize the conversation:

• “Thanks for the idea; we’ll think about it.”
• “I’m not sure what we’re going to be doing yet, but thank you for the suggestion.”
• “I appreciate your concern. We agreed we won’t be making a decision until we discuss it together first.”

BE FLEXIBLE WHERE YOU CAN.
Are there particular requests or preferences that your relative is invested in, but you are not? Is there something you can comfortably give in to, in order to keep the situation peaceful? Can you present options to them, rather than a hard yes-or-no answer?
Your demanding relative may simply want to feel more involved in family decisions, events, or celebrations. If there’s a way you can get them involved without necessarily handing over control, think about what that might look like. Are there elements you can compromise on? Is there a win-win situation you can create that will make them happier?

REMEMBER, YOU CAN’T MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY.
Emotions tend to run high when it comes to family decisions and events, particularly among individuals who are demanding or have high expectations. Most people are invested in maintaining and cultivating happy emotions and feelings of joy, so it’s distressing for a member of the family to be unhappy.
Talk to your family member together if possible, and let them know what your expectations are for smoother interactions. It’s important to do this in a loving way, with patience and grace. Consider how Jesus might respond to the situation you’re in, and let those answers inform your next steps.

Love Like That, is a great guide to loving like Jesus did. Whether you want to show greater love to your family, friends, coworkers, or strangers, this book will help point you in the right direction. Get your copy here.

Click here to check out many marriage video clips from Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott.

I encourage you to contact Pastor John  for additional marriage or family support. May God bless you and your family! 
 

Dear Friends,

Have you ever damaged or broken your spouse’s trust in you? Earning that trust back takes hard work and patience on both your parts. The good news is, in many situations, it’s possible to earn their trust again.

We hope you enjoy this post from Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott.

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First, you’re probably already aware that your actions have had a grievous impact on your spouse and their sense of wellbeing. Second, we understand that it’s painful to learn you’ve hurt the person you love most. This may be one of the most painful situations you ever walk through together.

Easing back into a trusting relationship with your spouse takes commitment, time, patience, and selflessness. You will need to be prepared to invest a lot of time and effort into regaining your spouse’s trust. If you and your spouse have agreed to work through this together, you’ll need to be prepared for a journey that will be difficult to navigate at times.

If you’re ready to begin earning back your spouse’s trust, we can help. Aside from taking immediate, corrective action to stop the destructive behavior, there are four things you can do to help throughout the rebuilding process.

1. COMMIT TO DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES TO RE-ESTABLISH TRUST IN YOUR MARRIAGE.
Helping your spouse trust you again means doing whatever it takes to help them be able to believe in your words and actions. You’ll need to work together to figure out what this looks like for your relationship. Be receptive to your spouse’s requests and understand that there’s a reason they’re asking this of you. Be willing to listen and set aside habits or relationships that hurt their ability to trust you. If you’re serious about healing your relationship, this is a crucial step.

2. REALIZE YOUR SPOUSE MAY NEED A LONG TIME TO HEAL–AND GIVE THEM AS MUCH TIME AS THEY NEED.
Demanding that your spouse trust you again within a specific time frame is unrealistic–and it will do further harm to your relationship. The fact that you did something to hurt them means you now need to give them the time and space to heal. You do not need to nag your spouse about how long it will take for them to be okay. They likely won’t be okay for a long time, but the fact that they’re trying to give you grace is a good sign. Your spouse’s love for you means you have the chance to make things right–but this won’t happen in your time.

3. BE PATIENT WHILE YOUR SPOUSE PROCESSES THE SITUATION.
Refrain from expressing or showing impatience toward your spouse. Patience goes hand-in-hand with time. There will likely be times when your spouse wants to talk through the situation with you, for example. They might need to gain a better understanding of what happened. When they approach you, show patience and love as you answer their questions. Don’t behave as though they have no right to ask. If you’re serious about rebuilding trust, patience is part of the process.

4. BE SELFLESS IN YOUR ENDEAVOR TO RE-EARN TRUST.
Earning your spouse’s trust again is heavily dependent on your ability to be selfless. Selfish actions damage trust. But selflessness can heal broken trust and hurting relationships. Stay focused on putting your spouse first and serving them in love. Be diligent and genuine as you do so. Consistently showing your spouse how much you care for them will go a long way toward earning their trust once again.

LEARN TO SHOW CHRISTLIKE LOVE TO YOUR SPOUSE.
Jesus was the ultimate demonstrator of true godly love. Whether you’re rebuilding trust in your marriage or just want to love your spouse better, my (Les’s) book, Love Like That, is a road map for loving more like Christ. The lessons contained in this book can help heal any relationship, but especially your marriage. Get your copy here.

Click here to check out many marriage video clips from Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott. 

I encourage you to contact Pastor John  for additional marriage or family support. May God bless you and your family! 

Dear Friends,

Marriage is not easy sometimes. That’s true for all of us, right?
In a troubled marriage, it sometimes feels like there are only two options — stay and be miserable, or get out and seek happiness elsewhere. That’s a myth, says best-selling author and marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman. In this series, Dr. Chapman and Focus on the Family president Jim Daly discuss a third and better option. With the help of God, you can choose to be a positive influence in your marriage and create conditions in which your spouse can change his or her behavior. 
Click below to learn more from Dr. Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, on how to love your spouse when you feel like walking away.
In each session, you’ll get Dr. Chapman’s expert relationship insights about dealing with heavy-duty issues in marriage and how your emotional needs dictate how you act.
He teaches you how to recognize and reject marriage myths, take responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings and make choices that can have a positive impact on your spouse.
If your spouse is controlling, absent, abusive, depressed, unfaithful, or grappling with addiction, Dr. Chapman will speak to your situation in this series.
Episode 1: Living in RealityEpisode 2: How Our Emotional Needs Drive BehaviorEpisode 3: The Depressed SpouseEpisode 4: The Controlling SpouseEpisode 5: The Physically Abusive SpouseEpisode 6: The Unfaithful SpouseWe hope you found some nuggets of help thru this series.
Visit Focus on the Family Video Series to browse their full collection of free video series for couples and parents. 
Or click on the following links for additional marriage video series.
Cherish Your Spouse
Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage

From Anger to Affection
Discovering God's Freedom from Pornography
I encourage you to contact Pastor John  for additional marriage or family support.
May God bless you and your family!